How And Why You'll Ruin Your Kids No Matter What You Do
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How And Why You'll Ruin Your Kids No Matter What You Do

Oct 31, 2019

What's It About...

If we told you that, no matter how hard you try to be the perfect parent, you're going to ruin your child - how would that make you feel?

In the 4th episode of this podcast, we are jumping right into one of those topics that people don't like talking about.

Parenting. That's the topic of our conversation today.

We are sharing some of our most important bits of knowledge about parenting and, we've figured out that the best way to do it, is by tracking down those outstandingly significant experiences that all of us had with our parents that marked our path into becoming the parents that we are today.

We think that stepping back and looking deep into your own childhood can have some of the best lessons on how you should raise your child.

This doesn't mean copy/paste everything your parents did to your kids.

That's a recipe for disaster. 

Just like we discussed in our episode on marriage, the world of today is way different than the world you were raised in, so you can't expect the same principals to directly apply.

Today’s parenthood represents a lot of different challenges that our parents never had to experience, however, we think it’s still extremely important for every parent out there to...

👉 Take the positive from every situation

👉 Raise your kids beyond your own childhood traumas

👉 Actually listen to what they have to say 

👉 And to support them no matter what

As a parent, if you consciously do these things, then you are setting yourself up to win as a parent, and for your child to win in life.

Click play above or head over to your favorite podcast app to learn all about our parenting experience and how we manage to help our daughters becoming the best version of themselves.  

 

Want to find a specific topic? 

  • Breaking the patterns of our childhood (01:21)
  • Pursuing the right amount of support and expectations for our children (06:35)
  • Grandma’s visit. The importance of accepting feedback in parenting (10:07)
  • Leading by example and practicing the values you want your children to have (15:52)
  • Understanding the lessons from our parent through our children (19:50)
  • Helping your children to find their own beliefs (23:49)
  • Preparing the next generation to overcome the many challenges of the future (27:54)

 

Where To Learn More...

 

Episode Transcript...

Disclaimer: The Transcript Is Auto-Generated And May Contain Spelling And Grammar Errors

 

Janelle & Eddie:

That's the point of today is like you're always going to choose the opposite of how you were raised, but what you fail to realize until you ruin your kids is that there are extremely important lessons that you learn from all the hardships and all of the things you didn't like that have shaped you into becoming the person that you are. Welcome to The Push Podcast. Why Pushed? Because a nudge is just too friendly. And Frankly, we're here to help you get your shit together. I'm Eddie and I'm Janelle and we're the Copelands. We've got three daughters, two businesses, a mortgage, and lots of responsibilities. So just like you were struggling to find that perfect balance of ambitious go-getter hustle while still staying present, loving our kids and working on our relationship and doing the laundry, going to the grocery store. Oh, and don't forget being mindful. Yeah, all of the stuff. So if you're juggling all the things, but you're also trying to get to the next level, guess what? You're in the right place. So get ready to be Pushed. Hey friends, you're listening to episode number four on The Push Podcast and today, we're talking about parenting because it's likely you're ruining your kids

 

Eddie:

straight-up ruining them. But that's okay. We all ruin our kids

 

Janelle:

and don't worry. Your parents ruined you too, so it's okay. So Edward Copeland.

 

Eddie:

Yes.

 

Janelle:

What were some of the things that you think your mom did to ruin you when you were a kid?

 

Eddie:

So as I think about it like my childhood was great by the way. I love you moms just in case you're listening. I think. So my mom, one of the things that my mom is extremely good at, she's not confrontational at all from a standpoint that I think that she kinda goes with things unless you push her to the edge and she gets her angry. So I've adopted that. Right? And so for many years, either I was cool, calm and collected, or I was over the top angry. And so as I've gotten older and I have evolved into the person I am now, I don't get angry as much as I, I did or if at all. But I do find myself being more along the lines of I don't want the conflict. I prefer to have more harmony than anything else.

 

Janelle:

So wait, can I interject and give you like an outsider's opinion? Yeah, your greatest attribute and I think anybody who knows you would say this and agree like you're so calm, cool, collected, chill. Like nothing really rattles you and it's so like great to be around because you're just like Eddie's always happy. Right? Right. And as your wife, one of your biggest downfalls is that you're so calm, you just kind of go with things and that has definitely caused some issues in our relationship. Right? So is that what you're blaming on your mom?

 

Eddie:

Yeah, I would say that her strengths became my strengths and then her weaknesses became my weaknesses because I think that anytime as you have like you tend, you have a pattern of behavior that can be an over strength, right? So I think that will always be a calm person because I just don't find reasons to get all worked up. But I think the flip side of that is that you are always looking for moments of harmony when there shouldn't be. Like sometimes there should be conflict, sometimes the conflict can grow to something in help you a situation improve. But if you don't do that, then I think that you get lost and you get kind of in this rut.

 

Janelle:
So I think that I if we're talking about moms and what my mom did to me, I think that she definitely, what am I mom do to me? Let me tell you the list. Just kidding. She definitely taught me because she was a single mom with two children. She taught me how to never depend on a man. She taught me to be really self-reliant, very focused and driven on what I was trying to accomplish and nothing else mattered. Just make it happen by any means necessary. Right. She taught me survival. She taught me how to be scrappy. She taught me basically my work ethic. Right. And I will tell you conversely, I think you'd probably say those have been some of the challenges in our marriage too, where I'm high-strung going after something relentless and hell band. And that's just how I was raised, right?

 

Janelle:

So I don't know any different. And so today's topic really is not about Eddie and Janelle's mom. It's about what asking you our listeners, like what things do you do today that you 100% blame or attribute to your parents and the way that they raised you. And we want to talk a little bit about how that affects you being a parent to your children. So Eddie and I both grew up in households where money was kinda tight, money was really tight. And although our moms did the best job that they could, we definitely had this outlook on how we wanted to raise our children. And it was the exact opposite of how we were raised, right? So we wanted them to live in a really nice neighborhood. We wanted them to go to grade schools, we wanted to focus on APA academics because both of our moms were working moms. My mom was like, why do I need to go to your parent-teacher conference? What is that teacher going to tell me about you that I don't know? All I need to do is see your grades.

 

Eddie:
And then my mom was always either working two jobs and was not able to even go. I don't even remember a time. By participating in that. Right, because she was working so hard and so God that could be an entirely different episode when you talk about like different advantages people have grown up, but when you have a mom that's is the sole provider for most of your life, there are things that you just go without. Or these, there's a conditioning that happens that this is how we operate because it's just two of us.

 

Janelle:

Yeah. So for like me, I wasn't able to play sports or be a cheerleader or do any of that stuff cause there was no money for that quite frankly. And also my mom didn't have the time to be taking me to practice or rehearsal or any of that stuff. So we wanted to bring this up to kind of paint the picture of the fact that when you become an adult, or even when you're a kid, you blame all kinds of shit on your parents. Right? And also it's important to note that when you become a parent, you generally try to do everything the opposite that your parents did. And then they wind up, your kids wind up blaming you or hating you for something. And so either way, the point of this episode, the point of this episode, either way, whatever you do, you're going to ruin your kids.

 

Janelle:

And that's what we're going to talk about today. So for us, some things that we were really conscious in our parenting around was support. We wanted to be able to be those supportive parents because we didn't have that because our parents were working, right? So what does that mean? Well, shit, I gotta sign up to volunteer at the school I gotta be on, maybe not the PTA, but I'm going to help with the drama department stuff. And we're, so we have gotten ourselves into tons of trouble because now we're overcommitted. Because our kids are involved in too many sports or activities. Right. Academically we want it to be really involved and talk to them constantly about school. We always were planting the seeds about college and then guess what? When Jasmine was a senior, even a junior, she started to become resentful of us because she said that our expectations were too high.

 

Eddie:

Yeah. And I think that that's because early on in all of their lives, it was constantly at the forefront of education. And I think especially when you want to make sure that they have the advantages that you didn't have, you start to kind of overemphasize something that's super important. And I think she took it as a narrative that God, you know, my, their expectations are so high that I have to always have straight A's and I have to break my back to do that.

 

Janelle:

By the way, we never once said that that's the should you create. Right. And so that put her in a situation where she felt like she was always going to let us down if she didn't come home with straight A's shows. So she stressed herself out. And blamed that on us. Right. And we were like, when did we ever say that if you didn't come home with straight A's you would be fired from this family, kicked out, evicted, whatever. Never happen. But that was the narrative she created in her head. So,

 

Eddie:

and I'll just say that I think even with our own upbringing, we as when you're raising kids and in that relationship, kids will always fill in the gaps, right? Like they will take something you said or are something you've done or the behaviors you're doing and they'll continue to fill in the gaps for things that are not communicated. Like for example, your example about not joining certain sports, you started to fill in a gap that that just is not something we were ever going to do. So you stopped, you stopped asking you,

 

Janelle:

he knew better than to ask.

 

Eddie:

It's possible that one time that you could have asked. He could have been surprised. I don't even know where you're going with, no, I'm just saying like, I think that those are times like she took all our communication even though we said, Hey, we'd said a plus or go home or don't bring it home or whatever the case may have been. She took that and it's like filling the gap. Like I always have to have A's. Like I can never ever be short of that.

 

Janelle:

I agree with you. What you're saying is they fill in the gap. But for example, because I knew that we were lacking financially, I knew better than to ask, cause my mom would've been like, are you crazy? I don't have goddamn money for that. Right, right. So conversely though, we raised our kids to think that we wanted them to be really successful in sports or academics. And I remember the first time Jasmine wanted to do club volleyball and I was like, is she crazy? That shit's $3,500 I'm like offended that she would even ask about that because you're one of three kids, right? So I agree with you that they fill in the narrative. Well, why would they say no? They've never said no to anything else that I've done.

 

Eddie:

Report it to me and yeah, and but the thing is, is you, when you think about that, like not doing an extra curriculum activity that's that expensive with something you would never even ask. So to have your own child asked that is like, I don't know that we had to bring psychologists into this because then you start to think, okay, the reason we responded that way is because that wasn't even something we even thought about asking because we kind of fill in the gap that it will always be no.

 

Janelle:
Yeah. So why don't you share the story about when my mom came to visit and made the observation and provided us with feedback on how we're raising her.

 

Eddie:

So I think that when you when you're raising your kids, you're always trying to make their childhood better than yours,

 

Janelle:

which means you do the exact opposite of what your parents,

 

Eddie:

so sometimes you're like my upbringing, I was cleaning the bathroom very young. I was doing all these kinds of chores because there was no one else to do those things. My mom worked multiple jobs and so in some cases, and so I kind of was brought up in a place where you did your chores. These are the things you always had to do and it was automatic and I was celebrated with for that.

 

Janelle:

And so same for me. I grew up only cleaning the house and it had to be the tip-top shape or I got beat for it. And so I hated cleaning when I became an adult. And I just remember like I hated the weekends because I knew all I was going to do was chores. I hated when my mom had, you know, more kids cause I knew all I was going to be doing was watching them. And so I never wanted our kids to be babysitters and I never wanted them to, you have to just clean all damn day on a Saturday and Sunday. And so we were very lax about chores and we were very lax about a lot of things that we felt ruined our childhood. It

 

Eddie:

was so funny that you say that and, and I think about it like you felt the fear of not getting those things done. I wanted it to be celebrated by my mom cause he would say, Oh my God, you did a such a good job on this bathroom and I would feel like I was on top of the world. And yeah. And so that leads to a lot of things now that we have in this conversation, why I thrive off of like recognition in a sense, because she showered me with that when I did something really good but not about me. But when we think about the kids, like we were taking things off of their plate because we were giving them different expectations academically. We were giving them expectations around being in different activities, whether it be sports or clubs or whatever the case may be is so, so busy. They couldn't do any damage. They couldn't do any chores. And so when we would ask them, they would look at us like we were aliens, like chores us. [inaudible] never developed. They never did. Yeah. They never developed good habits of like doing it correctly.

 

Janelle:

Plus we were always on the go. We started the bakery, so they were with me at the bakery a lot. And then when I did have five hours of free time on a Sunday, the last thing I wanted to do was be scrubbing my toilet. Right, right. And so we were like, what can we do to make enough money to hire a cleaning lady so she can come and then the five hours on a Sunday we have together, we're not actually doing chores. Cause that sucks. So fast forward to the time when my mom came to visit.

 

Eddie:

Yeah. Yeah. She came to visit, spend some time with us, saw that the kids didn't really have too many things on their plate food as far as in the house.

 

Janelle:

But she totally recognizes like academically they were super busy. They weren't getting home late.

 

Eddie:

Did she recognize all the other values that they did have? Like good communication skills, all these different things. But the one thing she didn't see as they didn't have this innate kind of, Hey, I want to go do this chore. I'm going to take care of this. And so one of the things she's, uh, she gave us some parenting feedback and I know some of you would like a frown on your face if anybody tells you what to do with your kid. But she say what she said, she said,

 

Janelle:

your kids are amazing. Like they, I, it blows my mind that they're so smart. They get straight A's, they're involved in all these activities. I don't know how they do it, but the one thing I've observed, and I think maybe you missed the Mark A. Little bit, is

 

Eddie:

they needed to do more chores. Yeah. But she said something else that was really like what she said. She said, why are you robbing them of some of the important lessons that you learned growing up and was like, Oh

 

Janelle:

right. That is the sound that Eddie makes when his blank brain explodes. So think about that. That's the point of today is like you're always going to choose the opposite of how you were raised. But what you fail to realize until you ruin your kids is that there are extremely important lessons that you learn from all the hardships and all of the things you didn't like that have shaped you into becoming the person that you are.

 

Eddie:

Yeah, and I think that some of the things, if you really, if you look at it for so, so some of you that are business owners, some of you that interact with younger generations than you, there are things that drive you crazy about them that you say to yourself, why are they like that? Why aren't they working hard? Why aren't they doing these things? But if you have kids, you have to ask yourself, am I creating that myself? Right. And I think in some cases we were when it came to chores and things like that, we were creating three individuals that were like, Hey, I probably don't need a housekeeper when I get older.

 

Janelle:

Yeah. So that's what I hear, I said, you know what? I totally appreciate that. So pause really quick cause I want to ask you, what would you say if an outsider gave you observation and feedback about how you're raising your children today? And it could be similar to ours. Hey look, your kids do this, this and this really well, but here's where you might be missing the Mark because I can tell you, you would agree that one of the things I'm a really, really good at is taking the feedback, removing the emotion and saying, huh, I like that because I didn't consider that. Right. And a lot of people I know would say, who the hell does she think she is to be providing you with feedback? She doesn't know you. And I'm just not like that. I'm not defensive and I always want to learn.

 

Janelle:

Plus I value people's opinions, right? Whether I like them or not, how are you perceiving me or how I'm being a parent? So I want to challenge you first and foremost. Like if someone was to be able to provide you with feedback like that, how would you respond? Because that's a trigger point for a lot of people when you call them out on how they're raising their kids. But one of the things that I want to talk about is Eddie and I strongly believe that we have our children for a very short amount of time, hopefully only 18 years. And our only goal in life is to one lead by example. So be the role models that we want them to, you know, be around. And also how do we prepare them to be good humans when they leave our house. And that is everything from exercising, compassion, showing empathy, showing love and affection in a relationship. Talking to someone with respect, helping a homeless person by giving them a couple of bucks if you have it. Yeah, being kind,

 

Eddie:

being inclusive by accepting everyone for who they are, not being judgmental. Like those are like core values and principles that I would say, although they're teenagers, I feel like they have shaped that. They embody that even though we've messed them up somehow. And that will manifest in when a 30 whatever that may be. I think that one of the things that we did really good is that they have those core values. And I think that that is so important because all in all, you're going to have all these little things that they just are not good at because it's your fault. You didn't steal those things. But the reality is you cannot be the complete parent. Right. You know, and it was three of us in a lot of cases, right? So you can't be like everything to one child and they get every, all these great things from you. They're going to pick up all the bad stuff too.

 

Janelle:

Yeah. And then the next thing I'll tell you is that leading by example is so extremely important. Kids don't listen to what you say, like ever. Even if they're shaking their head, they're giving you a confirmation and you think they're listening. They're not there watching you. So I remember at the beginning of our marriage, I wanted Eddie to be a certain way, a certain husband to me because those were my expectations. But I remembered like we had a talk one time and I pulled you to the side and I said, listen, you have three daughters and I want you to know that they are going to choose a man exactly like you. So however you decide to treat me, if you want to open the door for me, if you want to tell me you love me, if you want to cook dinner for me, if you want to cater to me, that's what they'll be looking for in a man. And I just remember like that you got your shit together. Like you started showing up differently. And I remember the kids saying, why don't you open our door? And so it was like a light switch that went off for you and you started to show up differently. And so I would say since that moment, we've definitely tried to be really great role models for them.

 

Eddie: 

Yeah. And I, to me, it's so important to have daughters and for those fathers out there, and even for those mothers out there, like they're looking at you like the model, the framework of who they will choose or what attributes they're looking for in a person that they really appreciate and their parents. And I just wanted to like serve and like do all these things so that they saw that, Hey dad cooks, dad cleans, dad opens the door for mom, dad does all these different things so that they didn't get in relationships and expect like that they weren't going to be the ones to do that and do all those things right. I didn't and I want didn't want that for them. So not saying I'm perfect in any way, but I think that for many of you who have young kids, I start really thinking about that. Like you can teach them a whole bunch of things, but the things that you teach them through your actions that are going to be meaningful and they gotta be long-lasting

 

Janelle:

and that's everything from how you carry yourself. I would say as a woman, how you dress as a woman, your confidence level. Are you friendly? What the confidence level? Yeah. I mean I don't always have the most confidence, but when I know that my three daughters are watching, then I will walk with a certain stride because I want them to not make themselves small. I want them to not need a man. I want them to be able to be seen and heard. And so I have to make sure that I'm being a good leader of that.

 

Eddie:

Yeah, absolutely. And let me ask you a question. So we talked about a lot of different things as far as our own childhood. What is that one thing that your mom used to say that drove you up the wall, but now you get it,

 

Janelle:

you're going to think this is ridiculous. But I remember her always telling me to do something. She was constantly calling my name constantly. Jeanette and I, if I dared said yeah or what as our fucking kids do is my language. But if I dared yelled across the house, she would come there and snatched me by my hair. So I had to stop what I was doing, get up and I'm thinking in my head, what does this bitch want? Right? So I'd walk in there and she would tell me something stupid. Go outside, look in the refrigerator outside and get the three cans of green beans or I don't know, whatever it was. Right? And I'd go out there probably already in a pissy mood cause ah, she's whatever I'm doing. And I'd go out there and I couldn't find it. And I knew better than to say I can't find it because I'd get beat for that.

 

Janelle:

And so she would always say, if I come out there and I find it, I'm going to beat your ass with it. So I remember fast forward when our kids got a little older, I would do the same thing cause that's what parents do. They're just annoying as shit. Right. You call your kids and I would tell them, come here when I call you, come here. Right. So I learned that and then they would come and I would tell them to go find this 9.9 times out of 10 they'd be like, I can't find it. Every single time I would say, you know what my mom used to say, she used to say, if I come out there and I find it, I'm going to beat your ass with it. And I didn't cuss around the kids until they were over a 10 right now it's, you know, they're adults. They hear way worse than anything that we say.

 

Eddie:

They actually have done science on that whole thing where you, you don't really want to go find something.

 

Janelle:

Yeah. So you're not going to find it. Everything else. But I was so afraid to tell her I couldn't find it cause I knew I would get B and she would come out there and shew God, you would find it every time. And so the one thing though is like maybe one out of 10 times she would tell me to be finding and I'd be outside like sweating cause I couldn't find it. But I'd be too afraid to tell her that I couldn't because I know what she would say. And then I would be like, mom, I can't find it. If I come out there, I knew it. Right. And then she'd go out there and I'd be praying that she couldn't find it and then it wouldn't be in there. I never got an apology ever. She never said sorry. So I really tried to do that with the kids.

 

Janelle:
Like if I would go out there and be like, let me tell you what my mom used to say. Right. I do the whole thing. And then if I couldn't find it, I'd say, I'm so sorry honey. Like, overemphasize. I'm so sorry. I was mistaken. It was on this rack, not in the refrigerator. Right. And they would still be annoyed how much I didn't have to say sorry to you. So another thing, they never watched each other, like the oldest never had to babysit. So I remember when she started driving, I was like, why don't you take your sisters to the beach with you? She's like, I'm not gonna take them. And then I was so offended, I was like, you shouldn't be happy and glad that we never made you babysit. Like you should take them today. I don't want to take them. And I was like, okay, we ruined her. Literally, we ruined her because there are no expectations about having any responsibility about letting your little sisters tag along. That pissed me off. So I knew that we ruined her.

 

Eddie:

My mom used to always say, you just want to learn things the hard way.

 

Janelle: 

Did you say yes I do.

 

Eddie:

And highs you think me? No, I don't. Oh God, I don't. But I get it doubt because we say that too. Especially our oldest. We say that a lot. You want to learn it, the heart rate. It's because for whatever reason when your parents tell you to do something a certain way, you're like, that probably doesn't even work. Like I don't know what it is. But I think that that was most of my pitfalls was uh, not listening to heroin when it came to those things.

 

Janelle:
So do you remember we went on a road trip and I remember the Macklemore song came out the same love and it was the first song that they played like on the radio that people were singing along to you? That was a lot about same-sex marriage, right? And I remember Jordan was really young, like maybe six and she said, what do you think about two men being a married mom? And I was like, what do you think about two men being married, Jordan? And this is the key. I think this is the whole point of this podcast right now is whatever you believe you will pass down to your children, good, bad, indifferent, whatever it is, you're going to pass it down. Do you know how many conflicts I've had with grown adults about religion? And they will fight and there's Wars created for all this stuff about their beliefs, but it's like, I want to say, bitch, you only believe this because your mom told you to believe this.

 

Janelle:

Like you have done no research about this on your own. And PS if you were born in another country, you'd probably be Muslim or Buddhist or something, but you're so hell-bent over what you, how you grew up, right? So back to Jordan, she says, what do you think? And I said, well-baby, what do you think? And she said, I don't think there's anything wrong with it. And I said, well then that's all that matters, right? And that was that conversation, right? And then that same conversation, they said, well what about the president? Like it turned into a political debate. Remember they were like, well, are we Republican or Democrat? And I was like, we were like, Oh God, how do we answer this? We don't want them to have our same beliefs. And we said that we had a really great conversation with kids that were, what, six, eight and 10

 

Eddie:

we had a nice long conversation, which most people won't do with their kids. They'll just say, Hey, we're Republican, right? Yet we're Democrat. Hey, we're independent. We said, well, here's how these two sides look at things. This is how we look at things. What do you think?

 

Janelle:

And they said, are we Republican or Democrat? And I said, we think what we think, but what are you, we won’t raise you to have your own beliefs. We want to raise you to do your own research. We want to raise you. And they were like, well, is Nana a, a Democrat or Republican? And I was like, well, what do you think based on the fact that these people are more conservative based on the fact that these people are more liberal, what do you think? And then they started like putting titles over all of their family members, right? Yeah.

 

Eddie:

And they just, they basically, they assigned political parties for everyone in the family. And in many cases they got it right? Yeah.

 

Janelle:

Yes. So we went to the family reunion and now they're like, Oh, she's a Republican. I know. So that's how we started to talk to them about politics, about religion, about marriage, about gender equality was we just wanted to know what they thought. And so,

 

Eddie:

well, no, I just think that that that is like probably the best thing that we could probably have done is we, we raised kids that for the most part are free thinkers and I think that we want to continue to do that. There's, they're still teenagers and so we still want to get them to think, right. Yeah. And I think if you as a parent can achieve anything is getting your kids to really think about things and not just programming them. Because I think we also, we, we so much try to program them to believe certain things to see the world the same way that we see them so that we can get along with them. And then when ends up happening and get into the world and they find out differently and you know what they do, they look back at you and they go, wow, you are really closed off. I've been experienced in the world and you don't even know the truth. And so back to blaming your parents, not to blame your parents. And then now that they are raised, they're going to be adults in 2030 or 2025 or whatever your kids' ages are. They have so much more information than the prior generations that they have the ability to take in information and really, truly think about it critically and make a decision on how they see the world.

 

Janelle:
And they're so much smarter than us too because they have more information and more data. Right. So I'll leave you with this story just so you can kind of put yourself, regardless of what age your kids are at right now. I remember Jordan was 10 years old, she was in elementary school and I read, this was years ago, I had read or heard this data from somewhere saying that generations, which were gen X, are sisters and brothers are millennials. And then our children are generation Z. That's the current youngest generation out there right now. So this article States that generation Z is the largest generation to ever be born in history. And it states that they're all kind of born at the same time. So that means when these kids are 30 years old, 50% of the planet will also be 30 years old. And I thought, Oh my God, I couldn't even imagine.

 

Janelle:

So I was in my thirties at the time and I thought, what are my kids going to do when 50% of the planet is their same age? Right? So I remember picking Jordan up from school and she gets in the car. I say, Hey babe, I heard this interesting statistic today and I want to see what your thoughts are. I said, do you know that when you are 30 years old, when you're mommy's age, half of the planet, 50% of the planet is also going to be your same exact age. So whether you're having kids, whether you're working, whatever, they're going to be the same, going through the same things that you are at 30 what does that mean for you? And she goes, mom, is this one of those questions that you ask me you already know the answer to? And I said, no, I really don't know because this is going to impact your generation.

 

Janelle:

So I'm wondering what does that mean to you? What, what do you think about that? And she said, can you give me a second so I can think about it? So I give her about an hour. She comes home, she gets a snack or talking, and she goes, mom, I have the answer. And I go, what's up? And she said, I that what you're telling me is when I'm 30 if half of the world looks like me, we're all going to have kids. We're all going to have jobs. We're all going to be trying to buy houses. She said, there's not going to be enough houses to go around. There's not going to be enough jobs to go around and we're going to have to be extremely competitive. And I said, wow, that's really impressive. I'm really proud of you. What does that mean though? She said, I have it all figured out.

 

Janelle:

I think our generation is going to be the next generation of inventors because there's not going to be enough jobs to go around. So we're going to get really creative, really resourceful, and we're just going to make our own jobs. And I was like, Jordan Copeland, slow clap. If I died today, you will 100% know how to take care of yourself in the next few decades. And I just want to tell you how proud I am of you. So that wasn't where my train of thought went. Right. But it was where hers land. Yeah. So I think we want to challenge you in this episode. Are you listening to your kids? Are you learning from them or are you just doing a really good job of instilling all of your beliefs, all of your limitations, all of the stories that you tell yourself? Are you trying to make sure that you pass all those down to your children? Or are you listening to what the times are calling for? Are you listening to the economy and how technology is changing and these kids are operating at a different level than we were when we were kids? Are you listening to the fact that the climate around gender equality has changed? Are you listening to the fact that these kids care about equality, they care about inclusion, right? So some of your beliefs may be a little outdated based on where we're at today in history.

 

Eddie:

And then also just to add to that, maybe even your limiting beliefs are outdated. And when Janelle's talking about, I think this is so powerful, you may not be verbally teaching them limited beliefs, but your actions are right, right. And so we talk about to this bar students all the time around like if they're watching you in, they're listening more to what you do. Are they watching what you do to kind of understand the world a little bit better? If you are telling them they can do anything and then go for their dreams and you're not in, you're not striving for something that is what you're teaching them, that is what they're going to take. They're going to say you get, you get a job, you do this and you, you live a comfortable life and then you have someone trying to tell you to go for your dreams and you go, why? I never see anyone in my life go,

 

Janelle:

right? We're going to talk about audacity in the next few episodes because I think showing up and living a brave life means pushing through hard, scary things. Right? And one of the things that we've talked about throughout our children's childhood is we can't tell them that they can be presidents one day of the free world if we don't also show up and do really big, powerful things too. So I would never want to be like, baby, you know when you grow, you can be the next president. And they're like, well, why weren't you? Yeah, that would suck. Right? So think about that.

 

Eddie:

It's not why weren't you? But why didn't you try to do things? Did you want to be president? Did you want to do something extremely special? And it's

 

Janelle:

wind up working the same job for 50 years.

 

Eddie:

Yeah. And maybe if that's your reality, maybe you teach them like, Hey, I limited myself. I don't want you to limit yourself. Right? And you, it's okay to be vulnerable with your kids and say, this was my struggle. I just don't want it to be yours. And I think that that's powerful because they're always looking for like the truth. And

 

Janelle:

so this woman yesterday, one of my friends, I was talking to her, she said, we were talking about this very thing like your parents ruining you. And she said, I'll never forget, I was about 17 or 1819 years old getting ready to go out into the world. And she said, my mom sat me down and said, I want to apologize to you. I ruined you when it came to managing finances. I completely missed the Mark on helping you, like learn about balancing a checkbook and managing your finances. And she goes, I just want to tell you that I missed the mark on that. And I said, wow, that is really impressive. Like I commend her. She said, well, you know, it's admirable, but she didn't teach me shit after that. She just said, I don't know what you should know, but I wanted to let you know that I take responsibility for not knowing. So now you need to go out and figure it out.

 

Eddie:

A Jasmine when it comes to the laundry and changing out the filter. I missed the Mark on showing you that because you don't know how to do it. Okay, so

 

Janelle:

figure it out. No, that's not the same thing at all. Micro fail. It's like, Whoa, that was a macro that's up. That's a huge cosmic failure. Big, big failure. But I thought it was really good because I was commending her and she goes, I mean, well, yeah, I mean, yeah, that was great that she took responsibility. But then she said, well, I don't know shit about it, so you need to go out and learn about it. But at least giving her a heads up. Right. So the point is that you may not, you may not know all the answers, but you gotta at least set them up. Hey, here's what I'm going to teach you how to fail at, because I didn't know any better. But I really hope that you do a better job than me have going out to be successful in the world.

 

Eddie:

Well, I mean, and I think that that, the last thing I'll say is this is like food, finances, faith relations, relationships. Like those are like big, big rocks that I think that you have to show your kids. You also have to allow them to find on there, on their own. And I think that when they do find things on their own, it stays with them longer. You can help guide them, you can help support them. You can ask really good questions to provoke thought. But I think at the end of the day, like the values and the principles that you want to make sure that they have, you have to embody them. And I think that that's one of the things that we did really well. Our kids are not perfect. I yelled at them yesterday because they were doing homework while one was watching something, their phone and another one was like text messaging back and forth and I was like, okay, turn all this stuff off. You've got to zero in and focus. Right. So they're not perfect. They do crazy stuff still.

 

Janelle:
They're also battling challenges that we didn't have.

 

Eddie:

Absolutely. And so I lectured them about those challenges yesterday so that they can understand like, Hey, I'm trying to tell you, you want to separate yourself in the world. You want to do something amazing, you want to meet with a top 5% meet. As far as success is concerned in this world, will that 5 % of people know how to focus? And so what you're doing right now is you're teaching yourself not to focus. And so I know I'm going to have that conversation with them 20,000 more times, but I hope I can at least be embodied that and stay focused. So I worked next to them focused for like 45 minutes just to show them and they turned everything off. But those are things, I think those are moments where you got to say, come in and role model this for you right now. Awesome. So did you tell him you would probably do the challenge to get, but yeah, today, like really think about that. Like as you listen to this, what are you teaching them? What are you embodying? What are you learning from your kids? Every single day.

 

Janelle:

Are you being a better role model than you are a public speaker standing up, lecturing them, telling them all the things that they should do? Or are you really embodying all all of the behaviors? And I'll tell you when I see people with road rage, they are doing it mostly with our kids in the car. Yeah. So what do you think's going to happen? I feel like, well that kid's gonna grow up and be an asshole on the road too. Right? And I don't know, I just feel like your kids are going to become exactly who you are. And the last thing I'll tell you, like children, there is no such thing. There's no such thing as bad children. There are just bad parents. I just, I believe that. So when I see a kid acting like a freaking crazy, I'm like, it's not his fault. It's not his fault.

 

Janelle:

It's not his fault. It's the parent's fault for not managing the proper expectations around that. So someone's going to be super upset about that. But I used to use bad kids all the time as a baseline for how our children should not act. It also backfired on me several times in the grocery store. Like Jordan would turn to me and be like, that boy right there, he's being naughty cause he wants attention, right mommy? Oh my God, be quiet. So Dallas and these kids. So let us know what your thoughts are. Are you being a good parent showing up for your kids? Are you trying to do the opposite of everything your parents did to ruin you? And how's that working out for you? We want to hear about it. So let us know.

 

Outro:

Thank you for listening to The Push Podcast. Hey, we want to hear from you. So if you have a question or there's a particular topic that you want us to tackle and you want us to help you Push through, you got to do something for us. You got to go to Apple podcast and you've got to leave a rating and a review. And in that review, go ahead and lead that question with your Instagram handle so that we can shout you out when we actually answer the question and we'll talk about that on the podcast and make sure that this particular podcast is made for you. So leave a rating, leave a review, leave your handle, and until next time, push through.

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