There's a BIG difference between researching the market so you can make better business decisions and being so consumed by your competition that you start operating from lack, insecurity, and fear.

And I learned this lesson pretty quickly after I opened my bakery, The Cake Mamas.

The Cupcake Trip That Turned Into a Yelp Attack

Fast forward, we had probably been in business for maybe a month. My daughter was having a soccer tournament in a nearby city, and we wanted some sweets, and we wanted to reward her for playing well in her game.

So we googled local bakeries in that city, and ended up at a bakery that we had found online, and we bought one of everything they had. We were super excited. Why? Because my family and I love sweets, (and we love supporting small businesses). Also, we don't just love OUR sweets… We love ALL sweets! We are connoisseurs of desserts, BIG FOODIES, so every city we visit, we always make an attempt to visit the most popular bakeries to indulge in some goodies.

So we bought quite a bit from this bakery, got in the car, took pictures of them, and posted them on the Cake Mama's Facebook and said something like, "Guess where we're at", or "Look what we got", something totally innocent, and if anything, it would have been a cool guessing game for our fans, and an opportunity to promote another bakery.

Well, unfortunately, within 10 minutes, there was a response on our Facebook page from that competitor (who I didn't realize was a competitor).

I had never heard of their business. I had zero clue who they were, but all I knew was that within the next few days, we had some of the first negative Yelp reviews we'd ever had, and once I researched them, these people were all affiliated with this competitor bakery. Some of the reviews even traced back to EMPLOYEES of that bakery!

Instead of this business embracing the fact that a competitor, or a local bakery, had visited their business, they immediately thought that we were a threat.

The reason I didn't know who they were was that when we first opened our bakery, we had no desire whatsoever to be a cupcake bakery. It just kind of happened that way. In response to our customers, apparently they loved our cakes, but wanted an option for smaller, daily treats to be available in our community, so here's the funny thing… I never went back and revisited what additional competition was in my industry that offered cupcakes because, well, it just wasn't my main focus.

I still think to this day that not knowing who my competitors were worked to my advantage because it allowed me to stay in my lane and focus on the things that I wanted to create for my customers.

What was hurtful was that they resorted to tactics to try to diminish our brand before we even had a chance to get to know them or try to see if there was a way we could work together.

A few months later, we attended an event, and they were also super rude and stand-off-ish. And they were even saying negative things on Twitter about my kids. Which is not only super rude, it just screams lack of professionalism.

So you may be thinking, "Wow, these are just horrible people," but these are some of the things that happen in our industry all the time. Everyone is always so distracted and caught up in what everyone else is doing.

Why Competitor Obsession Is a Lack Mentality

But the reality is, worrying about the competition perpetuates a LACK mentality, again, implying that there's not enough to go around.

But here's the thing. When someone else wins or gets blessed with an amazing opportunity, that does NOT mean that their blessing came from your ACCOUNT.

And chances are, some of you have been guilty of that about my business. I can tell you that some of the worst Yelp reviews I've received have come from home bakers or people who have businesses competing against mine. People, all you have to do is click on the reviewer's name, and you can quickly research who these people are, so to find out that a local baker wanted my business to be less successful just so they could glorify theirs is pretty disheartening. Yet, I saw it happen consistently day after day, year after year…

And the more I watched how people behaved in the baking industry, the more I realized how easy it was for business owners to confuse research with obsession.

Because yes, if you're a cake maker, you should absolutely know what bakeries are around you. You should know what your local market looks like. You should understand what customers are already buying, what options already exist, and what gaps might be available for you to fill.

That's just being a smart business owner.

But walking into someone else's bakery just to observe, critique, judge, or pick everything apart? That's not research. That's insecurity dressed up as strategy.

And it doesn't serve you or your business.

Research vs. Insecurity Dressed Up as Strategy

I've seen business owners walk into other bakeries not looking for inspiration, but looking for ideas to knock off. They weren't there to learn. They were there to compare. To size someone up. To secretly decide whether that person was better or worse than them.

And when you're operating from that place, you're already losing.

One of the major drawbacks of focusing on OTHERS is your inability to create unique and different products or experiences. Everything you create becomes based on someone else. Your ideas become rooted in how you're going to outshine them, not how you're going to excite your customers.

And that distinction matters.

Let's say someone walks into a bakery and buys a couple of cupcakes, not because they're excited to experience the product, but because they want to pick apart the recipes. They're expecting the cupcakes to NOT be as good as theirs. They're secretly hoping their buttercream is better, their cake is softer, their flavors are more unique, and their packaging is cuter.

And at that point, they're not really there to enjoy the experience- they're there to compare. And that type of energy and mentality is how you get STUCK.

When you walk into a business looking for why you're better, your ego takes over. You stop seeing what could be possible for you. You stop paying attention to what they may be doing well. You stop noticing the customer experience, the positioning, the demand, the systems, and the way people respond.

You miss the lesson because you're too busy protecting your pride.

And pride positions people for a downfall.

The Real Reason Competition Triggers Us

I understand why competition triggers a lot of people. Most of us were raised to believe competition is the whole point. Be faster. Be stronger. Be smarter. Be better. Win the race. Beat the person next to you. Prove you deserve to be there.

But in business, when your focus becomes beating the competition, it doesn't always make you better. A lot of times, it just distracts you.

You're no longer focused on creating the best possible product, improving your skills, deepening your knowledge of business, and understanding your customer, but your goal is to be better than your competition.

You should be focused on creating GREAT products for your business and your customers. You should be focused on becoming more valuable, more intentional, more strategic, more aligned, and more innovative.

But if you're constantly looking over your shoulder at what your competitors are doing, you're not looking at the path in front of you. You're missing the signs, the turns, the opportunities, and the lane that was actually meant for YOU.

The Netflix Lesson: What Actually Wins Markets

Take Blockbuster and Netflix, for example.

Blockbuster dominated the movie rental space for years. Then Hollywood Video came along, and for a while, those companies played the same game. Bigger stores. More rentals. More selection. Same general model.

But while they were busy competing with each other, the world was changing.

Customers wanted a new experience.

They wanted convenience. They wanted to consume movies differently. They didn't want to drive to a store, search the aisles, hope the movie was available, then get hit with late fees if they forgot to return it.

Here comes Netflix.

Netflix understood the marketplace. They had done their research. But instead of trying to become a bigger, shinier, cooler version of Blockbuster or Hollywood Video, they solved a bigger problem.

They put their own spin on the market. And eventually, they changed how we watch TV.

That's the BIG lesson.

Netflix didn't win because it obsessed over how to beat Blockbuster at Blockbuster's own game.

They won because they paid attention to the customer.

They paid attention to the shift happening in the market. They paid attention to what people actually wanted next. They focused on how they could be different, how they could stretch themselves, and how they could change the experience entirely.

What Research Should Actually Do For You

And THAT is what research should do for you.

It should not make you a copycat, paranoid, or bitter.

It should not make you walk into someone else's business looking for flaws so you can feel better about yourself.

It should help you see the market more clearly, help you understand what customers need, and identify the gaps.

It should help you create something stronger, clearer, better positioned, and more aligned with the people you're actually trying to serve.

This is what happens when you stay in your own lane and focus on yourself: you can be innovative and figure out creative ways to CHANGE AN ENTIRE industry, but first you have to believe that there are plenty of customers and plenty of people looking for products that YOU offer.

This is WHY you have to get out of your own head and get into the market for yourself.

So, Where Do You Actually Start?

Stay in your lane and stop focusing on their success, their opportunities, and their numbers and START focusing on yourself.

Perfect your menu, get good at marketing YOUR products and YOUR story, become a better leader, and start knowing YOUR costs down to the penny,

Guessing isn't strategy. It's the reason you're busy and broke at the same time.

That's exactly why we built Costli - so you can price off YOUR numbers, not someone else's highlight reel. Click here to join the Costli waitlist.

And if you're ready to stop guessing and get an actual plan for your pricing and your business - today, not someday, get inside my monthly group coaching community, Power Hour!

What makes Power Hour so impactful is that the discussions are tailored to YOU and YOUR business, so you get your most pressing concerns answered in real time.

When you join, you get weekly live coaching, access to exclusive trainings, workshops, and tools, plus community and accountability,

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