This is the first step into living a more free life!
For this episode, we brought you guys the ultimate guide to make more space into your life for the things that truly matter.
We are going to teach you how to give less fucks!
How can you actually develop a brand new mindset to giving less of a fuck?
Most people don’t realize how many toxic behaviors they’re carrying with themselves all the time and honestly, it is a sad thing to witness.
That’s why we, the Copelands, have a mission of trying to improve your lives by simply teaching you to give less of a fuck.
You may think this sounds silly or trivial, but this can be HUGE for your life!
When you can let go of...
👉 caring what people think
👉 being worried about things you can't control
👉 falling into what people see as normal
...you can make big strides in your life and start to find TRUE happiness.
Here are the 14 behaviors that we will be covering today:
Key points discussed:
Janelle: 00:00 So many times people spend so much energy on things that are just out of their control. I think I've gotten really good at that in the last few years. I don't really care much about much. I'm going, I had a flat tire a couple of weeks ago, threw up in the car on my way to a meeting right after I threw up, I got pulled over because that violated the carpool lane. Oh, well, I did it. So I have to pay for the consequences. It's not cool. It's not fun. It's not the best stuff. But who cares? Welcome to The Push Podcast. Why Push? Because a nudge is just too friendly and we're here to help you get your shit together. I'm Eddie and I'm Janelle and we're the Copeland's. We've got three daughters, two businesses, a mortgage, and lots of responsibilities. So just like you were struggling to find that perfect balance of ambitious, go get her hustle while still staying present, loving our kids and working on our relationship and doing the laundry, going to the grocery store.
Janelle: 01:00 Oh, and don't forget, be mindful. Yeah. All of the stuff. So if you're juggling all the things, but you're also trying to get to the next level, guess what? You're in the right place, so get ready to be pushed. Hey honey. Yeah, you know what? You should do less of that. You should do less ignoring shit that's broken in the house because there are some stereotypical things that they say about marriages and you're supposed to fix shit when it's broken. This is not the time nor place to give me feedback. I think it's always acceptable to give you feedback. You're my husband, so I sent an email out yesterday to our list, I don't know, maybe 15 maybe 18,000 people. I sent this email out saying, Hey, I've been kind of absent and I haven't sent an email in a while and I apologize, but here's why I needed to do less.
Janelle: 01:54 I just have been a little overwhelmed. We've got a lot of plates that we're juggling. We've got, you know, we mentioned a kid that just left for college. We've got two smaller kids that are in rehearsal constantly or just doing something. We've got the bakery, we've got all these employees. We've got people that are getting married, people that are going through a midlife crisis, which is technically a quarter-life crisis, right? And so there's always something, right. And I know we're not alone because when I sent out the email, I felt better. Like it was my way of like reintroducing like, Hey, I just want to let you know, I know that I've been gone, I'm sorry, but I need to commit to doing less, which is one of the reasons why we started the podcast. So that way we could impact people on a greater scale and not have to be serving all of our individual communities.
Janelle: 02:43 Right. And so what was interesting is a lot of people responded and they were like, Oh my God, your message really resonated with me. I'm completely overwhelmed. And they just started pouring their hearts out. So I want to talk to you today. Yeah, Mr. Edward Copeland Copeland about doing less, doing less. So my sister Jessica and Tony [inaudible], for those of you that have never heard that last name is Samoan yet, get with it. So my brother-in-law, my sister, they know that we kind of go, go, go. And my sister was like, have you ever seen that? Do less? God bless. I'm like, what is that? So this is a really cool Instagram. You should go check it out. They're not paying me to send you over there. But it's just, it's kind of like a mantra that I'm living in my life right now. And I want to share it with you guys. So we've got some tips.
Eddie: 03:35 Well yeah, but before you get into the tips, tips may have a little bit of foul language. So uncles,
Janelle: 03:43 children, uncle Eddie and auntie Janelle are probably going to cuss. No, we're going to cuss. So you might want to put it in your, what do they call them? Headphones. Yeah.
Eddie: 03:52 How much do you tough. Do you struggle with headphones and AirPods?
Janelle: 03:57 No, I say earplugs cause they use earplugs. So sometimes I say ear pods, air pods, headphones, head plugs, I don't know, but put something in so you can listen to us because I don't want your two year old saying the stuff that we're gonna say, but you need to hear this so
Eddie: 04:15 well. What's so crazy and hope you guys take that disclaimer and to heart cause we don't want you to guys getting all upset with us because we last one year because he knows the F-bomb and your kids are like, that's really interesting is that we've been married almost 15 years, right? And for 15 years we have, if I were to say to my lovely wife, has been an achiever, a go-getter, move, move, move. She's got a tattoo that says onto the next, like everything has been about moving forward and says make your move, make your move. Everything is about achieving going further. How do we get to this? And you know, and finding different levels and obviously not always achieving those things, but it's always been about train forward movement. And when we don't have for its movement, not feeling really good. Right. And to see that email go out and to understand your thought process around that I think shows a tremendous amount of growth. Let me tell you that also,
Janelle: 05:14 I am 41 years old and my cousin Vicki Frankevich, she's probably 63 right now, right? I remember she was in her fifties I was in my early thirties and she's accomplished so much. She's one of those like mentors in my life. I just adore her, look up to her and I remember sitting in her beautiful 6,500 square foot home and just telling her, pouring my heart out when we were in our early thirties like beginning stages of the bakery, just like, it's so hard and like I'm just trying to breakthrough. And she said, honey, let me tell you something and your thirties you don’t know anything. You're not going to come into wealth in your thirties cause you wouldn't know what to do with it. And I was like, no, I, I know what to do with it. Like I don't write, I, I want to prove you wrong.
Janelle: 06:00 As she said, in your forties that's when your confidence really kicks in and you start to really sink into all of the learnings that life has presented to you, and then you start to make better decisions with more confidence. You start to learn how the world operates, how you operate, what things are important to you, and you start to value your time more, right? Right. She said, but you're not going to come into your wealth until you're 50 and I was like, yeah, can I be the exception? Because I said, I need to pay for gymnastics right now. I won't need to pay for anything when I'm 50 they're gone. I won't need to pay for anything then so I won't really need the money then. Right? So now that I'm in my forties though, I think about that conversation often because I have way more confidence.
Janelle: 06:41 I have way more direction on what I want to do with my life. I'll where I want to go. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up and we, that's a sidebar conversation, but we are so triggered and annoyed when people ask our kids, what do you want to be when you grow up? They don't have to be one thing, right? They don't have to know what they want to be a year from now or four years from now. They haven't figured out life. And let's be Frank, most people in their thirties and forties don't know what the hell they want to be when they grow up. Right. Are doing a lot of stuff. Right?
Eddie: 07:10 Right. And I think that when you talk about doing less, there's a possibility that can hold a lot of opportunities to find some clarity because you're constantly moving and striving. And I think the advice that Vicky was giving was from a place where she had found that understanding of that doing less sometimes could mean more.
Janelle: 07:32 And back to that, I think being in my forties now, I'm this like w what's the hustle for? Like hustle means something different to me, right? And I believe that there's a season for grinding. There's a season like if you're in a startup right now, you better just put your head down and work like you just gotta do what you gotta do. I've been there, I've done that. But then like when you're 10,11 years in, if you're still grinding, you got to come up for air and you got to say like, okay, what really am I chasing? Right? So today's podcast is going to be about just things that you needed to do less of.
Eddie: 08:07 Yeah. And I and people have to make sure they get this clear, like doing less is understanding that season and when it's time for you to pull things back because one, you need to find more clarity or two, there are things that are important in your life that you need to start really paying attention to. But for those people that may look at that and say, Oh, they're going to create an excuse to say, Oh, I'm not going to start my business now cause this is just a season for me to do less. No, that's all we were saying. We're not creating this mechanism for you to just say, Oh, I'm gonna wait to my do last season is over before I start to grind and hustle. When you know you want more out of your life, you know you want things in your life, and I'm not saying material things like, but you want a certain level of freedom that requires you to be on your grind for a certain amount of time so that you can have that opportunity to have that.
Janelle: 08:53 Right. And this may be confusing now that I'm thinking about, this is the sixth episode of the push podcast and we committed to pushing you to do hard things, but we want to push you to pump your brakes right now because there are just certain things. If you're chasing goals, that's great, but these are going to be some of them very lighthearted that you just need to like do less of. So let's just dive in without further ado. Ready? You ready for this? Okay, let me, let me set up number one. For those of you that don't know. My parents have my mom and my stepdad, Alex, he's my dad. He's raised me. They've been in the grocery industry for my entire life. Like I was on the picket as a picket line. Like I know how to go on strike. Like we just learned all that stuff.
Janelle: 09:37 Honey, work with me here. No, clearly your mom was never in a union. Okay. So we were in a union. We, I was in a union with my picket sign. Anyways, my very first job, no mystery. I worked for uh, Lucky's back in the day and I was a box girl and I was told not to embarrass my parents. I was told to work really hard. So I did that. I went to different stores, I picked up extra hours and I was the best damn box girl on the planet. I'm just going to let you know that. Do you know fun fact, I'm friends with some of my customers from when I was 16 years old cause I gave such great service that I'm still friends with them. Yeah. So anyway, so back in the day though, I'm juggling school, I'm juggling work, I'm juggling, you know, babysitting my brother and sister and I would just roll into work like maybe a ponytail and I never went anywhere without lipstick and I looked presentable, I was friendly and I did my job number one of the do less.
Janelle: 10:40 Why are the girls that stayed are brothers. Every time I go to the grocery store wearing friggin five-mile-long eyelashes and full-face contour makeup to put my stuff in a bag cause I have to now pay for in 2019 I just want to know when do you find the time to put all that makeup on? Like you're like 16 years old. I'll face contour Instagram any moment in time. I think that's definitely good, do less so do less makeup. And maybe I'm saying this because I'm a little biased because I'm some minimalist when it comes to that stuff. I think there's a time and a place you're going to prom, put a lot of makeup on, you're going to get married, put a lot of makeup on, you're going to have a baby shower. It's important. There's gonna be a photographer there.
Janelle: 11:24 Put a lot of makeup on grocery stores, like neutral territory. Like maybe they're like, Hey, you know, I may find someone in this grocery store and I need to be ready. I mean, I'm fine with that, but you should do less. Just do less makeup, do less paying attention to what you look like or think. But I do think women should look and feel great. So I'm not saying walk around looking like, Oh, you just rolled out of bed. But I'm just saying like the highlighter on your nose makes you look a little bit like a clown. I swear it must just be, you don't know a highlighter is, but it must just be the grocery stores around our neighborhood. But I just want you ladies, usually young, beautiful ladies, do less, less clogging your pores and your skin less spending all of your paycheck on all of the money, less bingeing on the YouTube videos. I'm done with that.
Eddie: 12:13 Well, what if we just said, Hey, do you remember, print out some business cards and then every time you go to the grocery store you just slipped them a card and just say, hi honey. Just
Janelle: 12:20 do less. Yeah. Okay. Do less. Number two distractions. I have recently turned off all of my notifications on my phone, on my computer. No, because I need to do fewer text messages. Oh no, I haven't checked them yet. Yeah, and I have 37 text messages. Right, so I'm just going to tell you, if you send me an Instagram DM not checking it, I'm not going to see it until it's time for me to allow myself, a little bit of time to be on social media. You send me a direct message on Facebook or messenger, whatever they call it. I'm not going to check it. Just not going to do that. I am also not going to check my emails. I'm not going to do that. Yeah. So if you call me, wait for a second, if you call me, unless I have your number stored, I'm not going to answer it.
Janelle: 13:07 And if you send me a text, I don't have a notification. Here's why. Some people recently have said you never respond. I'm like, Oh no, I 100% always respond. I just don't respond when it's convenient for you. Right? Because throughout my day, I don't want to be distracted, so I just need to do less. I needed to have less distractions. I highly recommend that you try that for just a week. Turn off all of your notifications, keep your phone. If you go to work, put it in your purse. It shouldn't be on your person anyways while you're at work. Right.
Eddie: 13:38 But I'm still amazed on the same spectrum of distractions. I see so many people that's still like play. They drown themselves in distractions, like video games.
Janelle: 13:48 You're talking about games on people's phones,
Eddie: 13:50 games on their phones. And so like I, it's interesting because if you go to any place where people have to sit idle, like that is like the main, they're playing games or are they, they're jumping on their social media, right? Like the day of just like just being somewhere and just looking around, observing people. It's one of those things, I think it maybe makes me feel old, but sometimes I'd like to do that. As I go, I'm going to put my phone away and I'm just gonna look at people, right? And I'm just gonna stare at people and just like absorb the world.
Janelle: 14:18 Well that leads me into number three, which does less social media. Okay. Here's why. A huge part of our community struggles with comparison and we're going to talk about that in the upcoming episodes, but number four would be doing less comparison. And I think a lot of the comparison comes from social media. I've definitely been guilty of like scrolling before I go to sleep and then you see someone and you're like, Oh, we just got back from a really cool, they cation, you know, maybe we went up North to Northern California to hang out with our family and then a friend just back from Greece like, okay, that's nice. You know, here my little family trip, it was a road trip. And it's not that you're comparing and you're like, Oh I hate them for going to Greece. But you're like damn, well this was my idea of a really cool labor day weekend. And you're asking when did Greece,
Eddie: 15:08 yeah, well you know, I think when, when people go to like places out of town, like out of the country and it's like October and you go, where do you work when you can just don't your kids. That's the goal of the school. That's life right there. So that may be a fair comparison because it's just like there are times where you just don't expect people to do road trips
Janelle: 15:25 and I'm not gonna leave you hanging. We are going to talk about some comparison coping mechanisms in the upcoming episodes but comparisons real. So I'm just going to need you to do less and I think that that's going to STEM.
Eddie: 15:36 Are you saying do, do less world traveling while everyone else is at work? Do you less compare to world travelers while you're at work? Cause that's not going to make you feel good about yourself. So
Janelle: 15:48 really quick thought about social media though. Yeah. Jordan said like the internet trolls need to do less. We had a comment that like someone left on one of our YouTube videos today and I wanted to do an entire podcast on this with Jordan. So I told her, I said, you know someone left mommy like a really trashy comment on one of my videos and you should've seen it. She goes, what did they say? She's like the Terminator. Oh, she was like, who's talking about my mom, right. My gun. And I said, well it doesn't really matter what they, she said, tell me what they said. So I tell her it was something stupid like people, Eddie and I talk over each other all the time, right? So this woman said, Oh my God, she's so rude. She needs to just like to stop talking over her husband.
Janelle: 16:32 Like it was just stupid, right? So I literally, I told Jordan about it and I said I had to have a conversation with myself to say, ma, I'm not going to spend any time on this. And Jordan's like, mom, we have to respond. I can think of 3.2 a million things to say back to her. And it was a really good teaching moment for me to say, Oh, like you and I are exactly the same. We're both very witty. We could put her in her place, but it's not worth it. Right? Absolutely. So the internet trolls out there do less. Especially because like you have to, most times like you're creating an account that's like fake accounts. And then you got to manage all these extra accounts. You don't have a profile picture.
Eddie: 17:13 So wait, so you're telling me people prepare to be angry. I have negativity. I have this energy I have to share with the world, but I don't really want them to know who I really am, so I'm going to create a, an account in this account. I'm just going to go to different places. I'm just going to drill them with shit that just makes them feel bad about themselves or whatever the case. Just do less of that because you imagine on that comment, just because it was a, it was a conversation that we were having and I was maybe mad that you cut me off. I just w created chat said she's so annoying names, not that her husband taught my God and as soon as you guys respond, my phone notification off.
Janelle: 17:50 Ridiculous. Okay. Moving on. Number four, do less commitments. How can we be at number four? We're on four. Just stay with me please. Fewer commitments. Okay. You're saying yes to all this stuff that literally gets you nowhere like saying yes to, I don't know. Bunco on a Wednesday saying yes to picking up your kids, your friends, kids from school. You're saying yes to all of this stuff. That's not like you're just adding more on your to-do list. Okay, so our daughter, Kayla, let's talk about her because on Thursday night she came home after rehearsal, she had a full day of school and she came home after rehearsal, got home around eight o'clock at night and she was up until four o'clock in the morning doing her homework and I was like, I'm going to email your teacher like I don't understand if you didn't wait until the last minute, if you are saying this had to be done, like I don't even know. I thought for a second, I'm not going to lie. I thought she was on drugs.
Eddie: 18:52 No. So I was sleeping, I was sleeping and I woke up at like two 38 in the morning to be very specific. I woke up, I walked down the hall and she was like the mad hat her doing her homework and like in this frantic pace and I was like, and I was sleepy and I didn't know what was going on. And I looked at her and all I could think about was saved by the bell and Jessie with her Kathy pills excited. If you want to see that YouTube, that video. It is hilarious, but it was funny. Not funny and I literally thought she must be taken some type of, how is she still awake and like her, it wasn't like she was drowsy and so I was like, yeah, do less crazy whatever you're doing right now and then to come to find out she's, she was up for two more hours after that so that's definitely a do less.
Janelle: 19:40 Yeah, but I mean I want to commend her because she's the only human on the planet. I know like I would have just cried myself to sleep knowing that I was going to fail every class if that, if whatever it was that was done, if I'm a, she got up at five o'clock in the morning, went to school at six 45 didn't get home until eight 30 at night and then from eight until four did homework like you need to do less. If I would have known she was up at two o'clock I would've told her to go to bed right now.
Eddie: 20:05 Well then she should get an overnight job like graveyard shift every night cause she was
Janelle: 20:10 be on Broadway. She was so her teacher needs to do less or she needs to work on her commitments because she's definitely overextending herself. So next thing, number five, good segue. Do less overwhelm. Like you are putting yourself into a state of overwhelming. Just saying yes to everything. That kind of ties into the previous one. But I hear so many people say that they're overwhelmed. The audience that we serve is mostly women. And I read this statistic the other day that says that women in 2019 are doing on average 60% more stuff our children today than women did in the 1960s because interesting. Yeah, because we are taking them to swim practice to rehearsals. They're doing all this extracurricular stuff that we didn't do as a kid. Right? So these moms are doing all this extra stuff. But guess what? Yeah, they're also now working outside of the home. They're also now entrepreneurs. They're also now managing side hustles. And so we're doing all of the things and it's creating this ridiculous statistic where something like 98% of moms say that they feel 100% overwhelmed.
Eddie: 21:27 But you know what's interesting about that too when you said the 1960s and I'm sure that probably that statistic is probably the same in the 70s and it probably gets a little bit crazier than the eighties or less. But I think the autonomy that we give kids is a lot less too. Like we've taken away autonomy from kids, meaning that kids used to play by themselves, they used to do a lot of things on their own and now you see more parents with their kids doing things that normally when I was a kid I used to do by myself, whether it be walking back and forth from school or doing things with teams and clubs and they typically would do it on their own and now parents are more involved. So I think that there is something to the, the fact that our generation of parents are taken away some of the autonomy that we used to have.
Janelle: 22:16 Yeah. But I think the statistic is talking about in the 1960s there was a lot less distractions. So like, yeah, and there was just a lot less. Like the mom generally was just that homemaker, you know, kids would walk to and from school they come home, maybe she helps them with their homework, she's preparing dinner. But now if you take that mom from the 1960s and you compare her to what we're doing now in 2019 it's a tremendous amount of work. And so I just want to tell you like a lot of the things that we're overwhelmed with is just, it comes from a lot of yeses. We're over-committing ourselves and sometimes you just got to tell your kids no. Yeah. So I dunno. I don't know who needs that, but you just got to tell your kids no. Sometimes they need to hear no too.
Janelle: 23:05 Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Next thing, number six. This is a good one. Sharing your opinion, do less sharing of your opinion. what we're doing right now. Yeah, exactly. So let me tell you, I was at a brunch with a friend, it was her birthday. And this is always tricky for us because Eddie and I are like have all these great stories and we're like, Ooh, but we can't out them like we can't, they'll know we're talking about them. Right? So maybe over time, it's just like, ah, those people aren't listening so we could just then talk about them. But, so I was at a friend's party, it was a brunch and my niece was with me, my friend's daughter, and we were talking about tattoos. For those that don't know, Eddie and I both have tattoos, they're meaningful to us. Keep your opinions to yourself. Right? That's the number.
Janelle: 23:49 So this woman, my niece says she wants to get a tattoo when she gets older. And I tell her, wait until you're 18 waits until you're a little older cause you're gonna put something on your body, it's going to be there forever or whatever. Right? This woman says, honey, let me tell you something. Don't get tattoos. Where people can see them, they're definitely, people are gonna judge you and like it's just not very professional and never put it somewhere where you can see. And I'm sitting there in a tank top like does she not see me here right now? And so she kept going on and on about how unprofessional it was. And like CEOs don't have tattoos and I thought she's stuck in like the 60s right. And so it was really interesting. My niece was like, she's just acting really old. Like that doesn't even exist anymore. My teachers have tattoos, my aunt and uncle have tattoos. Like these are people that are doing really great things in the world and tattoos mean something different in 2019 than they did in 1978 right. And so I just want to tell you like that's going to suck. You just keep it to yourself. Especially if you're over 60 years old. I'm sorry, I'm not telling you that your opinion doesn't matter, but some things like it's now a generational gap.
Eddie: 25:03 Yeah. And I think that what ends up happening is people who are very judgemental will typically have the most opinions about certain things like her. Even her first statement was, people will judge you. No, I that means basically she's saying, I will judge you, don't you? Cause you shouldn't have him because someone told me I shouldn't had them have them. So I didn't get them. But I think the opinion I get from people sometimes is like, I cannot stand when people say don't work too hard. Don't work too hard. Especially this is just the job. Don't work so hard. And I'm like, I know what you're talking about gets you though. Yeah, please tell me one successful person in what biography have you read where they said, Hey, you know I approached everything and I said, don't do that. Don't work too hard on this because it's just the job. Did Oprah say that? Cause I don't think that was something Oprah said, but I think that this horrible advice,
Janelle: 25:52 you should keep your horrible advice to yourself. So share fewer opinions on things that maybe are not applicable to everyone. Maybe it worked for you, but it doesn't mean it applies to everyone. Okay. Can we talk about number seven? Yeah. Do less complaining. Less complaining. One of my biggest pet peeves, there's two phrases. When you ask somebody, how have you been doing? Oh, I'm just so tired. You need to do less, do less, get more [inaudible].
Eddie: 26:21 Well, you know, but so, but you are so tired because you keep telling people you're so tired. Like you may not even be tired and you just saying it and it just makes you tired of saying it. I think it's more of a habit. It is. It is.
Janelle: 26:33 Do less complaining. Do less habitual things. But stop saying that you're so tired because I mean it, depending on what time of the day, everybody's tired, right? Yeah. Yeah.
Eddie: 26:42 And here's the thing, and this is my
Janelle: 26:44 little lesson in that if you're wondering why things in your life are not going the way you want them to go, check your language and you're probably complaining a lot. Mm.
Eddie: 26:53 Yeah. You're manifesting things you don't want because you speak them into existence all the time.
Janelle: 26:58 The next complaint that drives me bananas is when I ask someone how they're doing and they're like, Oh, you know, I've just been so busy, I get it. We're all busy, right, but we should all be busy doing things that we are good with committing to. Right? So well, remember the commitments number four, be careful what you commit to because if you find yourself constantly complaining about being overworked and too busy, it's not well received. When someone says like, Hey, how are you doing Eddie? And you're like, I'm just so busy. I feel like it's a lack of like you're just not managing your time. Well. I literally do. I feel like because we're all busy, but when you're complaining about being busy,
Eddie: 27:41 it doesn't feel good, but I think for some people it is an automatic response. It's like they don't know what else to say because we are moving so fast and we are doing so much that when people said, how are you doing? You're like, oh, I'm just so busy. Like you can't even really compartmentalize and say, Hey, Oh, things are going really well with this. In an end. At the end of the day, people sometimes don't care how you really do it. It just, it's a formality. How are you doing today? And they just said, I'm really
Janelle: 28:07 right. So then don't say like, you should just have a word I'm doing good.
Eddie: 28:10 I would say I'm doing excellent. Yeah. When people ask me how I'm doing, excellent. And then I find myself feeling really great all the time. So
Janelle: 28:17 I say, well I'm doing really well. You know, we've been working on this or wow, I'm well and then sometimes I'll, you know, Hey this was a hard week or something. But for the most part, I'm doing well.
Eddie: 28:29 Right. I think that is like a, there's like a customary like you say that everybody says, Oh, how are you doing? You say whatever customary auto-response that you have and then you say it again and then you start getting into the detail.
Janelle: 28:41 Right. So I guess, the takeaway for that would be what is your autoresponse? Like? Really pay attention to what you are saying that you are when someone asks you. Because you know that we have a third-grade vocabulary when it comes to expressing our emotions. I learned that from Dr. Alan Watkins. He says that there are over 30,000 emotions that you can use to express how you're feeling, how your day's going, what you're thinking, whatever. But we use like nine to 12 different terms. I'm fine. I'm okay.
Eddie: 29:16 Right, right. And so just ask your autoresponder that and we could do an entire podcast on that because understanding those emotional terms help you with defining how you actually feel. And so when you actually know how you feel and you can speak to it, then you could probably speak to moving in a different direction. So, okay, call
Janelle: 29:36 him and I are going to see if he can be a guest. I loved him. All right, numberless apologizing.
Eddie: 29:42 Oh, I'm sorry.
Janelle: 29:45 Let me tell you what I mean by that. Again, we work with a lot of women and I would tell you women, in particular, were people pleasers and we're like, oh, I'm so sorry I'm, I didn't mean to do, I didn't mean to bump you. I'm so sorry. You have someone that says sorry for everything, right?
Eddie: 30:00 Absolutely. Yeah. So you interact with people and you find them saying sorry about things that they should not be sorry. I'm sorry. It's about you did, you did something on accident, not that you're sitting in a particular place or you walk past someone at the movie theatre and you're getting to your seat and you say, sorry, every single time you walk past somebody. Like that is not a reason to say sorry. Well, that's considerate. No. You say, excuse me, excuse me. Excuse me. You can say 17,000 times. If you've got across that many people, then you're not really sorry, but you're not really sorry. Like if you did something, I stepped on your foot. Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I apologize for that. But I think what happens, speaking about auto-response, people are so apologetic and they want to take up less space in the world in the sense that they spring themselves by apologizing for everything. And so I think that that is something that it has some deeper consequences, but do less of that.
Janelle: 30:56 Yeah, dude. So can I just say we're not telling you to be an asshole though?
Eddie: 30:59 No, but we're saying apologize when it's necessary. And what happens is, is when you really say sorry, when you really apologize, it actually means something. Instead of it being a situation that you use it as an auto-response. Well, you're not really remorseful for anything cause you didn't do anything. So I think what we're saying is that sometimes saying that less means you are being more meaningful in your conversations. So I think that's really important.
Janelle: 31:25 So I think we're saying like everyone messes up, everyone makes mistakes and it's just part of being human, right? You're not the only one. And by saying sorry and apologizing for things that maybe we're not even actually your fault makes you look weaker than you actually need to look like. You just don't have to apologize for everything.
Eddie: 31:44 No, you don't. And I think if you find that you say it and it's kind of natural and it's auto, then you know that you've just got to correct that. I think it's a simple thing. But you want, when you say sorry, it should be meaningful. That's all I'll say about that
Janelle: 31:58 agree and I believe this is number 10 and this is a big one. We have a couple of friends that do this and we call them out on this all the time. Do less deflecting of compliments. Like when someone says like, Oh my God, I love that dress. And you go, Oh, this old thing. Oh my God, I've had this since 1980 shut up. I just said you look great in that dress. It's really nice. Like take the compliment or wow, you look really good. Have you been working out? Oh my God. Yeah, but I had Chipotle the last night. Shut up. I'm telling you that you look great. Take the compliment. So I have a friend that does that all the time. She's probably listening. I love you. Shout out, you know who you are, but it's super annoying and I have to shake her some time. I'm like, I hope you don't do this to your husband. I hope you don't do this to like people that really love you. I'm telling you right now because I love you. It's annoying when I give you a compliment, receive it. It's a gift. Just take it.
Eddie: 32:52 But I think especially if it makes you feel good, I think it makes the other person feel bad. Yeah. Cause when you, when you give someone recognition like that and you give them praise and then they deflect and all of a sudden they go, Oh God. And they just like say something negative about themselves. Now you put that person in a situation with, Oh my God, did I bring up something that's a sore topic? Like should I not said, Hey you look really great today and you really feel like, Oh so I think that that is so, so important just to accept it. Take it in and say thank you.
Janelle: 33:24 Do less. Shit-talking less shit-talking. Yeah. So if you, I'm the kind of person where like, I'm really trustworthy. I feel like people open up to me really quickly cause I'm open like that. Right? But when people start talking badly about other people, immediately I shut you down because I'm like, well, who's to stop you from talking badly about me? I'm certain they are going to talk about me to someone else. If you would be willing to talk badly about someone else. To me, that drives me bananas. Yeah. I have a family member who shall remain anonymous that is constantly talking about another family member that I'm very close to. I just want to scream and be like, do you think that like we don't talk. Don't talk about that person because I know you talk about me to that person so you look stupid. Not me, not her. Not whatever you're talking about, it makes you look so bad so do less talking shit.
Eddie: 34:28 But it says a lot like that is, that is a character thing. Like, if you find yourself always mentioning someone in a negative space like that says a lot about you. And, and I think that sometimes, unfortunately, maybe you're going through things, maybe you don't feel too happy about life. And so it makes you feel better to commiserate and talk about someone else. But what ends up happening is you start building connections with people based on negative conversation. And so every time you have a conversation with that person, you're constantly talking about something negative. So that actual relationship is built on gossiping and saying awful things about people. So I really checked that and do less.
Janelle: 35:08 I hate it. Do less. Do none of that. Actually, number 12 is for you. Do less bragging about your kids.
Eddie: 35:16 Oh, I'm so bad at this. Oh yeah. I find every opportunity to talk about my kids and it's so bad because,
Janelle: 35:27 wait, can I tell you, every parent thinks their kids are great.
Eddie: 35:30 Oh, but my kids, Oh God. Excellent. So, but what's so crazy is people will tell me about like their kids or they'll talk about something and I just can't wait to tell them about my kids. Like they care much as I do. Are you like waiting for them to shut up? No, I, cause that's annoying. That is bad and I don't do that. It's definitely in the flow of the conversation. Maybe I do. Maybe I need to do less. I'm so sorry for those individuals out there that you felt like, Oh wow, he just really can't wait for me to tough to stop talking about my kids so he could talk about his, I'm trying to get better at that. I am doing less. I'm going to do less therapy sessions for bragging, right?
Janelle: 36:10 Yes, it's right now we have another family member who will also remain anonymous. I swear to God. Any opportunity that anyone is talking about, any sort of accomplishment, it could be like, you know someone, Oh my God. Did you hear she won like an equestrian award for horseback riding and you're like, Oh my God? I remember back in the day when my 30 something-year-old child also rode a horse for the first time when she was three and it's like, no, this isn't about her. We're not talking about that right now. We're talking about this person who just won this award no matter what. It always comes back to their kid. I got to tell you, do less of that shit cause it's super annoying
Eddie: 36:54 trying to get better at that because I find myself doing it. So I will ask at least two or three questions more about their kids because I know it makes them feel good and I just hope they return the favor.
Janelle: 37:05 This therapy right now. All right. Um, number 13 do less. Being scared, less being frightened, less worrying about failing. What you're going to look like. Who's going to talk about you less being afraid to suck at something. Can I just remind you, you sucked at everything that you're good at now at some point and just be less afraid to look foolish. You know why? Because people are not really watching it. They're not really paying attention to you. Like how you think that they are and it's only about the definition and the meaning that you're attaching to the failure. No one really cares.
Eddie: 37:50 Yeah. And they're these, the social fit failures are huge, like felling in public or being embarrassed and all those different things. And what's so crazy is that many times those fears are simply what we create in our head and like to know, just set like yeah, most people are not even watching. So those are truly not real fears.
Janelle: 38:09 Right. Okay. Number 14 is my favorite and I will tell you that this, if you let, it could be life-changing and we should have done an entire podcast on this and maybe we will, but I want to introduce something to you that I learned from a book. There's a book called get your shit together. It's by Sarah Knight. I highly recommend it. Super easy to read and I think that it could be life-changing, but she is trying to teach you to stop worrying about stuff that you don't need to worry about. So you can actually start doing and focusing on the things that you need to do, right? So she uses this analogy, and this is the part where you need to put in your headphones. Is that what's called the headphones? AirPods whatever the heck you have. Don't let your kids hear this, okay?
Janelle: 38:54 She introduces this tactic called fuck bucks, all right? Just work with me here. Even if you don't use the F word, I want you to imagine that every day you wake up with a certain amount of fuck bucks, they're like money, right? So let's say every person on the planet gets 20 fuck bucks every morning when they wake up, where you choose to spend those fuck bucks on things that you think are important, things that piss you off, that's going to determine like how good you are with your finances. It's going to determine how well you spend your emotional energy, right? So it's like a source of emotional energy. So you go to get in your car and you're like, great, I forgot that I needed gas. Oh my God, I'm already running late. Well, you just spent five fuck bucks on that. And that was unnecessary because it didn't help you get somewhere faster.
Janelle: 39:46 Like it doesn't change your problems, right? So let's say you get the gas, you get in the car, you're running late with your kids, guess what? You have a flat tire now. Now you've just lost your mind. And I've seen people do this all the time. Now you're in a funk. But deficits like you have spent all of them and now you have no more fuck bucks to spend on anything else for the rest of the day. So why is this important? Because I think so many times people spend so much energy on things that are just out of their control and you need to spend fewer fuck bucks. I think I've gotten a really good at that in the last few years. I don't really care much about much. I'm going to have a flat tire a couple of weeks ago on the same day I threw up in the car, like on my way to a meeting.
Janelle: 40:32 They laughed that off right after I threw up, I got pulled over cause that violated the carpool lane. Oh well like I did it. So I have to pay for the consequence. Right. I can't spend fuck bucks on that stuff. It's not cool. It's not fun. It's not the best stuff. But who cares? Like I'm not battling cancer. One of my children didn't recently get murdered. Like there are so many terrible things that are okay for you to spend your fuck bucks on. But can I just tell you the day to day stuff that people spend their fuck bucks on is ruining your own life? No one else.
Eddie: 41:04 So you're just saying for people just to move the fuck on, like just move like, like certain. Yeah. And I think that is so important and I hope you guys caught that because we're having some fun with this and talking about doing less. But this is an important thing because you only have a certain amount of emotional energy that you can expand. And once you get tapped out, like it's trouble, like, and people have breakdowns and they have these moments where they hit a wall and because they just use so many of these fuck bucks on things that just don't matter. You're walking down the street, you spill your coffee and you're like destroys your day like you.
Janelle: 41:44 Oh I spilled my coffee of the day. I threw up and got a ticket and all and I had a flat.
Eddie: 41:48 Yeah, another day I not one fuck book. Yeah. I literally the other day spilled coffee, walking to work. I had it in my hand, dropped onto the ground. I literally just picked up a cup, kept walking through it in the trash. I didn't think two seconds about it. I was like, I didn't need the coffee in the first place. Jesus said, no, I need the coffee. Right now Exactly.
Janelle: 42:06 So number 14 less giving a fuck. And I hope that you understand how important that is. Cause it's like the thief of your joy is like you exerting all this emotional energy on things you can't control. So lastly, shout out to Nordstrom rack in Covina today. I ran in to get something and this woman at the counter says, I just want to let you guys know we're having really bad system issues today. It's taking forever. We're going to get to you as quickly as possible. So I stand there and my cool, thank you for the announcement, right people in front of me losing their minds, looking at their watches, him and in hind and I'm like, I get it. We all have somewhere to go. We're all busy, but put your stuff down and leave. Then like this poor woman can't change this, right? So then I get up to a different lady and I said, hi, how's your day today?
Janelle: 42:55 And she goes, Oh God, it's terrible. She's frazzled. And I said, why would happen? Like what's going on? And she goes, well, you know, it's just so unfortunate. Like you wake up, you want to be a good person, you know you, you want to have a good day and do your best and then you get here and the system's not working and now your days all ruined. I looked at my watch and I said, well sister is 11:03 in the morning, you're going to have to just like release some of that because I don't know if you're gonna make it through. I said, the system being down is not your concern. You can't do anything about it. She goes, I know, but it's just so stressful. You know, I planned on having a good day and I said, I really think that that good day is still available to you. So I wind up having a preached to her at Nordstrom rack and it's like, why are you worried about this? If anything you should be like zero fuck bucks cause you can't change that. Right? But you can provide the most amazing service and you can just do it with a smile and that's going to help change
Eddie: 43:55 everyone else's reaction. But do you have to, and this is definitely not negative thinking, but you have to start your day knowing that you're going to run into people, you're going to have situations that are going to be an inconvenience. You're going to have people that are rude to you, you're going to have all these things happen. That's just life. And if your day and your ability to be a good person, quote-unquote, is like so determined on the external factors outside of your control, then you got to reevaluate that because you're never gonna make it like this is not going to happen. You're never gonna be the person you want to be because there are so many things outside of your control that you have given control of.
Janelle: 44:33 Yeah. So friends spend your fuck bucks sparingly. I'm telling you, I have such savings. I am a multimillionaire when it comes to saving my fuck bucks cause nothing really rattles me right. And I just, I want to give you that gift because I think that if you're the kind of person that flies off the handle or gets easily rattled, I think it's fair to say that you're probably doing the same if you're doing that with your energy so freely, I think it's fair to say you're probably doing the same with your time. Yep. And you're probably doing the same with your money. Yeah. So just consider that, you know, Hey
Eddie: 45:12 cause this is what I want to share with you. So of all the points, especially like if you say
Janelle: 45:18 fuck it,
Eddie: 45:19 like it happened, it is what it is. My thing is okay, well there you have it.
Janelle: 45:25 So practice or less spending, fuck dollars less giving a fuck. Yeah, that's what she needed. Practice. We hope you guys enjoyed this. Let us know what you think. Which number do you struggle with the most? And I want to hear all about your fuck bucks. Have a great day guys.
Eddie: 45:39 Goodbye. Thank you for listening to The Push Podcast. Hey, we want to hear from you. So if you have a question or there's a particular topic that you want us to tackle and you want us to help you Push through, you've got to do some for us. You got to go to Apple podcasts and you've got to leave a rating and a review. And in that review, go ahead and lead that question with your Instagram handle so that we can shout you out when we actually answer the question and we'll talk about that on the podcast and make sure that, Hey, this particular podcast is made for you. So leave a rating, leave a review. Leave your hand though. And until next time, Push through.
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